It feels like I had a little bit of a breakthrough.  It happened a week ago and was quite modest in its manifestation.  We’re still in the COVID lockdown.  Most people I know have not been vaccinated yet.  So when I do a shopping run, I always have to plan it carefully.  There’s a super market I go to that opens an hour early for those over 65.  It’s a bit of a drive so I need to make sure there are no issues with the roads.  Coupled with that we had a snow storm a day or two earlier.  When you live in inner city Trenton, most of the parking is on the street.  So everyone scrambles for a spot, made even more insidious when there is a snow storm.  We all plow out our tiny sectors of the galaxy and most people put chairs or other objects to hold their parking spots while they’re at work.  I did the same thing.  

Occasionally folks ignore the clear signal that the spot is taken.  So I was a bit nervous about making sure my spot was secure.  Also was a little nervous about the drive.  I was sure side roads would have snow on them.  And just going away from home during the pandemic adds to the nerves.  I double mask but many don’t do that.  I must be cautious in the store and constantly check for social distancing.  So there’s a lot to consider when making a decision to leave the home front.  Often I will decide to skip a trip out, as the various factors pile up and my cautiousness gets the better of me.

So while all this was percolating, I sat quietly and checked in with Knowledge.  To see if there was any sign or message I should be aware of.  Not that I have any remote idea what ‘checking in with Knowledge’ feels like, looks like, sounds like, or tastes like.  But, hey!  You have to start somewhere.  I’ve been doing this for over a year when questions come up.  Check in with Knowledge.

So I got still and listened.

This time when I was listening I gradually became aware of two factors.  I could feel my nerves chugging away like they always do.  A little mental engine that keeps me on edge.  Lower down in my metaphysical ‘geography’ was a stillness that I have decided to perceive as the ‘location’ of Knowledge.  And it does feel physically lower in the mental picture I have of myself.  In the absence of any other indication, I am choosing that as the area where I check for Knowledge signals.

One of the things Marshall mentions on numerous occasions is this idea of contrast as a useful tool in perception.  This makes sense to me because I use contrast in my software teaching.  Also I’ve used it over the years in my music studies.  “This thing doesn’t work.  This other thing does work.”  So I had a little bit of radar going to see if a ‘contrast blip’ would appear.  And it finally did.

Nervousness engine vs. calmness lower down.  I was clearly getting two different messages.  So I decided to examine more closely this calmness layer by becoming more still.  And you really do have to be still for this.  I can see why every Steps lesson has a stillness component.  I had always missed messages from this calmness layer because I wasn’t still enough.  On this day…I was able to get a little more still.

I just very quietly looked at this calmness layer.  I saw several things.  First of all, it felt as if the calmness layer was happy that I was looking at it.  Which was…unexpected.  Happy?  Also, the calmness layer was not completely calm.  I mean, it wasn’t moving or anything.  And it wasn’t telling me to DO something, as such.  But it did seem to be telling me…green light, it is safe to proceed.  And I kept having a sense that it had a little smile, like when they show the sun in cartoons and the sun has a smily face.  Weird, right?

But, of course, I didn’t trust all this.  I mean, this is all floating around in my imagination.  I have an active imagination.  This could all be just a bit of Clifford fantasy.  So, I made a decision.  I would go on my little shopping trip.  And I would use it as a test.  To see if the message I was receiving from my calmness layer would actually be congruent with whatever was going to happen on my shopping trip.  And I decided to let the Knowledge ‘piece of me’ be the deciding factor in my decision.  The nerves were still there.  But Knowledge would decide the action I would take.

So I did precisely that.  It was still dark when I left.  It took about 30 minutes to get to the store.  There were very few customers, maybe 4 in all.  So that reduced my nerves a bit.  There was some snow on side roads, but not much.  The store was uneventful.  The driving was uneventful.  The drive back was uneventful.  And my parking spot was still in place when I arrived at my house.

My calmness layer had been congruent with the actions I took.  This made me very happy as it felt like I had established a stronger connection with Knowledge.  I will need to do more testing.  And also take a view of my ‘nervousness engine’ as a component of myself that I need to be willing to ignore from time to time.  So…that was a good day!