It feels like I had a
little bit of a breakthrough. It
happened a week ago and was quite modest in its manifestation. We’re still in the COVID lockdown. Most people I know have not been vaccinated
yet. So when I do a shopping run, I
always have to plan it carefully. There’s
a super market I go to that opens an hour early for those over 65. It’s a bit of a drive so I need to make sure
there are no issues with the roads.
Coupled with that we had a snow storm a day or two earlier. When you live in inner city Trenton, most of
the parking is on the street. So
everyone scrambles for a spot, made even more insidious when there is a snow
storm. We all plow out our tiny sectors
of the galaxy and most people put chairs or other objects to hold their parking
spots while they’re at work. I did the
same thing.
Occasionally folks ignore the clear signal that the spot is taken. So I was a bit nervous about making sure my
spot was secure. Also was a little
nervous about the drive. I was sure side
roads would have snow on them. And just
going away from home during the pandemic adds to the nerves. I double mask but many don’t do that. I must be cautious in the store and
constantly check for social distancing.
So there’s a lot to consider when making a decision to leave the home
front. Often I will decide to skip a
trip out, as the various factors pile up and my cautiousness gets the better of
me.
So while all this was percolating, I sat quietly and checked in with
Knowledge. To see if there was any sign
or message I should be aware of. Not
that I have any remote idea what ‘checking in with Knowledge’ feels like, looks
like, sounds like, or tastes like. But,
hey! You have to start somewhere. I’ve been doing this for over a year when
questions come up. Check in with
Knowledge.
So I got still and listened.
This time when I was listening I gradually became aware of two
factors. I could feel my nerves chugging
away like they always do. A little
mental engine that keeps me on edge. Lower
down in my metaphysical ‘geography’ was a stillness that I have decided to
perceive as the ‘location’ of Knowledge.
And it does feel physically lower in the mental picture I have of
myself. In the absence of any other
indication, I am choosing that as the area where I check for Knowledge signals.
One of the things Marshall mentions on numerous occasions is this idea
of contrast as a useful tool in perception.
This makes sense to me because I use contrast in my software
teaching. Also I’ve used it over the
years in my music studies. “This thing
doesn’t work. This other thing does
work.” So I had a little bit of radar
going to see if a ‘contrast blip’ would appear.
And it finally did.
Nervousness engine vs. calmness lower down. I was clearly getting two different
messages. So I decided to examine more
closely this calmness layer by becoming more still. And you really do have to be still for
this. I can see why every Steps lesson
has a stillness component. I had always
missed messages from this calmness layer because I wasn’t still enough. On this day…I was able to get a little more
still.
I just very quietly looked at this calmness layer. I saw several things. First of all, it felt as if the calmness
layer was happy that I was looking at it.
Which was…unexpected. Happy? Also, the calmness layer was not completely
calm. I mean, it wasn’t moving or
anything. And it wasn’t telling me to DO
something, as such. But it did seem to
be telling me…green light, it is safe to proceed. And I kept having a sense that it had a
little smile, like when they show the sun in cartoons and the sun has a smily
face. Weird, right?
But, of course, I didn’t trust all this.
I mean, this is all floating around in my imagination. I have an active imagination. This could all be just a bit of Clifford
fantasy. So, I made a decision. I would go on my little shopping trip. And I would use it as a test. To see if the message I was receiving from my
calmness layer would actually be congruent with whatever was going to happen on
my shopping trip. And I decided to let
the Knowledge ‘piece of me’ be the deciding factor in my decision. The nerves were still there. But Knowledge would decide the action I would
take.
So I did precisely that. It was still
dark when I left. It took about 30
minutes to get to the store. There were
very few customers, maybe 4 in all. So
that reduced my nerves a bit. There was
some snow on side roads, but not much. The
store was uneventful. The driving was
uneventful. The drive back was
uneventful. And my parking spot was
still in place when I arrived at my house.
My calmness layer had been congruent with the actions I took. This made me very happy as it felt like I had
established a stronger connection with Knowledge. I will need to do more testing. And also take a view of my ‘nervousness
engine’ as a component of myself that I need to be willing to ignore from time
to time. So…that was a good day!
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