Had another tiny breakthrough.  In the Continuation training, the lesson ‘My mind is here to serve Knowledge.’ has always been a bit of a sticky wicket for me.  In previous Steps cycles, whenever I encountered that short sentence, I always felt some resistance.  Something about my mind serving Knowledge, being subservient, made me uncomfortable.  But two days ago when I read through that lesson, I had a different sensation.  I felt relief.  I didn’t have to think everything through, I didn’t have to understand everything, I didn’t have to be in charge of everything.  For some reason, which I don’t totally understand, my mind seemed to have a change of heart.  It seems illogical on the face of it.  Why did my mind…change its mind?  Maybe it was just tired of the struggle.  It’s hard being perfect.  :o)  Well, I mean, it’s hard striving to be perfect.  So, I guess I finally decided…I don’t have to struggle to try and be perfect.  I can just be who I am.  And let Knowledge guide things.  I guess I’m ok with that.

Before Covid struck, I felt as if I had entered the wilderness that Marshall refers to.  A period where I was confused most of the time, a bit depressed occasionally, and generally feeling more like a beginning Steps student than I felt 4 years ago.  Also, my interests are morphing in ways I find difficult to understand.  I seem to have lost all interest in music, which is weird since it had been a dominating influence in my life.  I mean, I had somewhat of a career in it and have two music degrees.  So the shifting of interests also seems to be part of my wilderness walk.  Simplistically it could be stated: "If I'm not a musician, who am I?"  Luckily I have many interests, so that doesn't really apply to me.  Though...it sort of does.

I was communicating with one of the Worldwide Community members in 2020 and was trying to verbalize some of my thoughts on the same topic:

I feel a little better than I did last month.  I understand about the old personality dropping away. I feel that sometimes with my regular meditation, the days where I’m asked to be still. That part I do find refreshing. It’s like clearing away the riff-raff in my head…like cleaning and drying a kitchen counter. It’s the effect on all my interests that I find puzzling. I don’t feel passionate about my interests like I used to. This new ambivalence is what makes me feel like I’m wandering in the desert. So then I think…will I have a whole series of new interests? Did you find that to be the case in your wilderness experience? And what will those interests be? Will I suddenly develop an interest in economics? Or how to repair shoes? Or quantum physics? I have found that so much of how I perceive myself is wrapped up in my plethora of interests. Do you have new interests that you didn’t have 10 years ago?

So I keep plugging away and hope everything will come together naturally. My two strongest motivators in all this is reaching that moment when I ‘find out’ what my purpose is. And the experience of meeting members of my spiritual family, something I hope will be an epiphany. Or at least a raucous spiritual party.

And some wilderness thoughts from 2019:

Amidst the Steps material are references to, at some point, finding oneself in the ‘wilderness’. I’m wondering if that’s what I’m experiencing now. It’s very unpleasant, whatever it is. The overriding sensation is one of ambivalence. I mean, normally I’m a guy with a plethora of interests…art, classical music, opera, film music, films, novels, history, ideas, the direction of technology and its effects on society. Suddenly, I don’t seem to care much about any of that. I don’t really know WHAT I care about. It’s weird and sort of goes against my personality. Is my personality changing? Or do I even have a personality? I’m still making my way through the Steps lessons. And try to read a bit of the other books every day…currently on ‘Wisdom from the Greater Community’ vol. 1. For those Steps students who have gone through this wilderness phase, does this sound familiar? Or do I just need to see a therapist?

Last night I was at a Mexican restaurant with some friends and I should have been having a good time. All I could do was watch all the other customers and wonder if they were feeling as lost as I was. And I could barely hear what my friends were talking about. As I said, very unpleasant.

Right now, I feel that I've been moving out of the wilderness and into some new phase.  The whole Covid experience was very distracting and I retired from my work in June, 2022.  Which is its own type of adjustment.  I'm glad to be out of the malaise of the wilderness.  I'm still distracted by daily endeavors but I do feel better about myself and feel as if things have been moving on deep levels.  TBC...

It feels like I had a little bit of a breakthrough.  It happened a week ago and was quite modest in its manifestation.  We’re still in the COVID lockdown.  Most people I know have not been vaccinated yet.  So when I do a shopping run, I always have to plan it carefully.  There’s a super market I go to that opens an hour early for those over 65.  It’s a bit of a drive so I need to make sure there are no issues with the roads.  Coupled with that we had a snow storm a day or two earlier.  When you live in inner city Trenton, most of the parking is on the street.  So everyone scrambles for a spot, made even more insidious when there is a snow storm.  We all plow out our tiny sectors of the galaxy and most people put chairs or other objects to hold their parking spots while they’re at work.  I did the same thing.  

Occasionally folks ignore the clear signal that the spot is taken.  So I was a bit nervous about making sure my spot was secure.  Also was a little nervous about the drive.  I was sure side roads would have snow on them.  And just going away from home during the pandemic adds to the nerves.  I double mask but many don’t do that.  I must be cautious in the store and constantly check for social distancing.  So there’s a lot to consider when making a decision to leave the home front.  Often I will decide to skip a trip out, as the various factors pile up and my cautiousness gets the better of me.

So while all this was percolating, I sat quietly and checked in with Knowledge.  To see if there was any sign or message I should be aware of.  Not that I have any remote idea what ‘checking in with Knowledge’ feels like, looks like, sounds like, or tastes like.  But, hey!  You have to start somewhere.  I’ve been doing this for over a year when questions come up.  Check in with Knowledge.

So I got still and listened.

This time when I was listening I gradually became aware of two factors.  I could feel my nerves chugging away like they always do.  A little mental engine that keeps me on edge.  Lower down in my metaphysical ‘geography’ was a stillness that I have decided to perceive as the ‘location’ of Knowledge.  And it does feel physically lower in the mental picture I have of myself.  In the absence of any other indication, I am choosing that as the area where I check for Knowledge signals.

One of the things Marshall mentions on numerous occasions is this idea of contrast as a useful tool in perception.  This makes sense to me because I use contrast in my software teaching.  Also I’ve used it over the years in my music studies.  “This thing doesn’t work.  This other thing does work.”  So I had a little bit of radar going to see if a ‘contrast blip’ would appear.  And it finally did.

Nervousness engine vs. calmness lower down.  I was clearly getting two different messages.  So I decided to examine more closely this calmness layer by becoming more still.  And you really do have to be still for this.  I can see why every Steps lesson has a stillness component.  I had always missed messages from this calmness layer because I wasn’t still enough.  On this day…I was able to get a little more still.

I just very quietly looked at this calmness layer.  I saw several things.  First of all, it felt as if the calmness layer was happy that I was looking at it.  Which was…unexpected.  Happy?  Also, the calmness layer was not completely calm.  I mean, it wasn’t moving or anything.  And it wasn’t telling me to DO something, as such.  But it did seem to be telling me…green light, it is safe to proceed.  And I kept having a sense that it had a little smile, like when they show the sun in cartoons and the sun has a smily face.  Weird, right?

But, of course, I didn’t trust all this.  I mean, this is all floating around in my imagination.  I have an active imagination.  This could all be just a bit of Clifford fantasy.  So, I made a decision.  I would go on my little shopping trip.  And I would use it as a test.  To see if the message I was receiving from my calmness layer would actually be congruent with whatever was going to happen on my shopping trip.  And I decided to let the Knowledge ‘piece of me’ be the deciding factor in my decision.  The nerves were still there.  But Knowledge would decide the action I would take.

So I did precisely that.  It was still dark when I left.  It took about 30 minutes to get to the store.  There were very few customers, maybe 4 in all.  So that reduced my nerves a bit.  There was some snow on side roads, but not much.  The store was uneventful.  The driving was uneventful.  The drive back was uneventful.  And my parking spot was still in place when I arrived at my house.

My calmness layer had been congruent with the actions I took.  This made me very happy as it felt like I had established a stronger connection with Knowledge.  I will need to do more testing.  And also take a view of my ‘nervousness engine’ as a component of myself that I need to be willing to ignore from time to time.  So…that was a good day!

 

 

In 2018 I decided to write to the Steps to Knowledge crew in Colorado Springs with 3 questions.  I addressed it to Marshall but I knew he probably wouldn’t reply due to his writing schedule.  That’s fine.  I was just curious how they would handle a response.  These 3 questions I have thought about for several years.  So I have a sincere interest in the answers.  Here’s what I wrote:

Dear Marshall,

I am a beginning student of Knowledge (about half way through my second iteration of the Steps).  I've enjoyed your books for many years and the material you present has given me many things to ponder.  Thank you for your work.  I can imagine it's a somewhat lonely road to travel.  Your efforts are certainly making a difference in my life.

I have several questions and wondered if it might be possible to touch upon them at some point in your writing.

QUESTIONS

Allies’ society

We know from your many communiqués that the Allies have made Knowledge a part of their lives and that this has enabled them to keep their freedom on their various planets.  My question is this: without revealing themselves or putting themselves into danger, would it be possible for them to describe certain aspects of their societies and civilizations to give us a little idea of what a ‘Knowledge-infused’ society looks like?  Besides being curious, I think it might perhaps motivate members of our own society.  Give us a little foreshadowing of what a Knowledge society would look like and how it would be different than our own.  And give us a better handle on what we might be doing to help ourselves more in that direction. 

Do they have music, dance, theater, operas, movies, painting, sculpture?  Do they have symphony orchestras?  Concert halls?  In what forms do their artistic expressions manifest?  Do they have big stadium sports?  Monday night football?  Do they have comedians?  Is there an Allies version of Rodney Dangerfield?  Would we find their humor funny (and visa versa)?  And on a related note: when they monitor our completely revealing radio and television transmissions, is there anything they find entertaining?  Amusing?  Shocking?  Are there any TV shows that one or two of the Allies secretly love?  Maybe addicted to?  Do they have any TV shows of theirs that we might like?  Would they care to trade some DVDs?

Technology levels

One of the strong suggestions discussed in ‘Wisdom from the Greater Community’ is being self-sufficient as a planet.  Relying on our own technology and not on the advanced technology of the various collectives who want to make us reliant on them.  It occurred to me that there might be a need for us to regress our technology a bit.  So that we’re not using so much of our world’s natural resources.  Perhaps modeled a bit after the Amish or 7^th Day Adventists.  Is this a useful mindset to pursue?  Or can we still progress technologically without using up our natural resources and without needing to rely on other worlds for trade?  I feel like we’re clever enough to come up with our own solutions but am nervous that we’ll be so in awe of the technology of the collectives that we’ll be seduced by our own desires.  Can the Allies comment on these ideas and perhaps discuss what solutions their own societies came up with to counter attractive, other-worldly technology?

Inner earth denizens

One area the Allies materials hasn’t really touched upon is Inner Earth.  I found two oblique references (step 170 - 2nd paragraph, step 202 - 1st paragraph) that made me think their societies could have a part to play.  It’s been made clear many times that any alien race on Earth is basically up to no good and should not be trusted.  What role will inner Earth denizens play in the Intervention?  They’re earthlings, similar to us, and from everything I’ve read most of them would appear to be farther along spiritually than us.  Presumably that would include having Knowledge closer to their finger tips than us, though that's just an assumption on my part.  Are they our allies?  If they are, wouldn’t it be in their best interests to help us ‘surface folk’ during the Intervention process?  Since they travel in space I would assume they have regular dealings with other alien races.  Will they make themselves known, come up to the surface, and assist in dealing with the many complexities of interacting with alien species? 

Thanks! 

Warmly,

Clifford Young

 ~~~~~~~~~~

And here was their interesting reply several months later:

 ~~~~~~~~~~

Sat, Dec 15, 2018 at 3:31 PM 

Dear Clifford, 

Thanks for writing in, it is great to know of you and receive your gratitude of how the New Message has impacted you personally. We hope you can understand that Marshall is not available to respond directly, for he is still in the process of receiving and rendering this vast New Message. As this great task requires virtually all of his focus and energy, he has asked those of us who work closely with him to respond on his behalf. 

I appreciate your thoughtful and sincere questions, yet, I am sorry to say Marshall is not in a position to take our questions to the Angelic Assembly or to the Allies. The Messenger is here to receive God’s New Revelation for the world and is not meant to be our voice speaking back to the Assembly with the many questions that understandably arise with such a new understanding. We have been given this vast Revelation and our own experience of Knowledge to guide us through the many questions, concerns, and confusions that arise.  

So in response to your question on what a Knowledge-infused society might look like; I agree that this is an important contemplation and you’re right, the explicit details of what a society based upon Knowledge looks like and how it is gone about is not explained to a great extent by the Allies or by the New Message. 

The New Message is here to provide the warning and the means for preparation, the path to Knowledge. I suspect there is reason for why the details have been left out of how to implement Knowledge into all the areas of our society, governance, economy, culture…etc. For just as it is in our own personal life, Knowledge may give us an instruction but it does not detail out how to do it. No, it instead leaves that up to us to figure out. For it is by working it out that we not only develop strength and wisdom but also take ownership of our lives. Recently Marshall commented in the Free School Campfire Chat “God is in the back seat of our cars, but God wants us to do the driving.” 

Another example, that comes as a surprise to many, the Angelic Assembly has given Marshall this vast Revelation but left Marshall with the responsibly to figure out how to establish and spread it in the world. The Assembly is not constantly saying what to do and how to do it, it is not directing the details; that monumental task has been left up to Marshall and those who most closely support him. 

So how are we to build a society based upon Knowledge? What will that look like? How will it be practically applied? The answer to these questions will come from people, like you, who are practicing the Way of Knowledge and are asking these questions and seeking their answer. The personal imagination is meaningfully applied here as these things are contemplated with Knowledge. 

In response to your question concerning technology. The Allies emphasize priority as a way of countering the attractive offer of advanced technology. The result of prioritizing Knowledge above all else, above the desire for power, comfort, excitement, novelty… etc, naturally deters us from the enticements that greater technology offers and with it the detrimental consequences of such technology. The Allies speak clearly that technology is both necessary and beneficial but also overly valued and relied upon. If we were to follow the Allies mandate of not outstripping our worlds resources and maintaining our self-sufficiency, we would naturally develop a different relationship to technologies and our natural resources. The details of how this might look are not explicitly shown but again I believe this falls on the human side of the fence to discern and implement. It is therefore understandable why the Allies and the New Message emphasize our personal connection to Knowledge as the number one priority.  

Concerning your last question, the New Message speaks of our relationship to other members of our spiritual family here on the earth, within the world, as well as those we are connected to within the Greater Community and how through our connection to Knowledge we have access to the strength and support of these relationships both seen and unseen. However nowhere in the New Message are inner-earth inhabitants discussed or referred to, so as far as answering these questions I cannot say more.  

Thanks again for writing in to us, it is assuring to know of your studenthood and that you are taking the Steps and studying the New Message. I hope this was of some help to you and please feel free to reach out again if we can be of any further support.  

Sincerely, 

The Society for the New Message

This wandering through the wilderness is quite tedious.  Especially during a corona virus pandemic.  I have a suspicion that this pandemic was set up just so that I would be forced to be in quasi-quarantine and would have no excuse but to devote my full attention to my Steps studies.  Of course, that’s a very self-centered view and obviously impossible.  Yet these little thoughts pop into my head.

I completed my third iteration of Steps to Knowledge in March of 2020 and am now heavily ensconced in the Continuation training.  The lessons are interesting and a bit more intense and holistic.  It seemed as if Steps to Knowledge had many lessons that were granular in focus; dealing with one aspect that required attention on a particular day.  There were some holistic lessons as well, to be sure.  But Continuation has many holistic lessons (in other words, larger arenas of thought), plus a regular ‘checking in’ with one’s 4 Pillars.  Overall, there is an emphasis on stressing the need to take the process seriously.  To be a serious student.

Becoming a serious student is not easy.  You sort of have to restructure your life a bit.  The lessons don’t say anything about needing to do that, of course.  It’s just on personal reflection that it occurs to me a different way of lining up my daily routine might help my Steps studies.  Or, from an NLP/reframing point of view, my current routine could be viewed as being out of synch with the needs Knowledge has in working to integrate itself into my life.  So tweaking things here and there helps to ameliorate this transition that I am going through.  Of course, the journey feels like I’m wandering the wilderness.

When I was a music student many years ago I had to learn this lesson as well.  I initially studied violin as a youth, then switched to viola in college.  When I was a young boy I would practice 10 or 15 minutes a week.  Of course, you can’t expect a 7 year old to practice like an adult would.  In junior high school, I managed to increase my practice time to perhaps 15 or 20 minutes a day.  An improvement, to be sure, but you still couldn’t refer to me as a serious music student.  A serious music dilettante, perhaps.

In high school I became a member of the Miami Youth Orchestra and I found myself surrounded by many students who were much more accomplished and advanced than I was.  In public school orchestras, I was more often than not the concertmaster of any orchestra I was in.  In the youth orchestra, I found myself sitting 5^th chair, Second Violin.  It was very sobering and I found myself practicing 30 to 45 minutes a day.  Just to stay in the ball game and be able to hold my head up with a modicum of dignity.

When I entered music school, the whole intensity of practicing was ratcheted up several notches.  I still, initially, could not be called a serious music student.  So it took several years before I could maintain the focus (in Steps terms, building the capacity) to practice 3 or 4 hours a day.  At one point, and I don’t remember the year, maybe1971, a kind of determination took over and I realized I needed to restructure the scheduling of each day of practicing if I was going to have any hope of improving as a viola player.  I decided I needed a daily regimen of scales and arpeggios.  I decided on 2 hours before breakfast.  Which meant I needed to get up at the ungodly hour of 6:00 a.m., instead of getting up any old time. 

And since I would be doing my scales and arpeggios before breakfast every day, breakfast would be my reward.  This is when I gradually discovered that maintaining a regular reward system for myself would be a good way to go.  So, in addition to breakfast, I found other ways to reward myself.  No dessert at dinner unless I had practiced my full quota.  To this day, at age 67, I still find ways to use the reward system when I need to get something done.

By restructuring my day a bit and putting myself on a regular regimen of more serious practice, my capacity for practicing increased to the point where my regular daily average practice time was 6 hours a day, a schedule I could not have imagined in high school.  Light practice days might be 4 hours a day, usually when I had rehearsals to go to.  On completely open days, I would occasionally practice 8 hours a day.  On one occasion, I practiced for 10 hours.  But that was more because I wanted to know if I could practice that long.  I kind of treated myself as a science experiment.  10 hours was too long for my capacity.  I had to recover the next day and was only able to scrape together 1 or 2 hours.  So I found 6 hours a day of practicing to be a good fit for my personal capacity.  My growth as a viola player really took off once I had found a good regimen of practice that I could I stick to.

So I’m thinking I need to do the same thing with Steps.  I’m not sure how to translate my music student experience with my Steps student experience.  I think part of it is consistency.  The hourly reminder thing is still iffy at best.  I tried getting an electronic reminder gadget to put on my wrist.  But the instructions were poorly translated and the device apparently needed to be synchronized with a cell phone, a device I don’t really use, as of yet.  So I do the best I can with my daily practice.  Also, I do a little reading each day with the numerous books provided by Marshall and the unseen ones.  Especially ‘Wisdom from the Greater Community’, two volumes that are positively awesome in their scope and content.  I work at being more aware and discerning in my daily interactions with the world at large.  Consistency in my daily music practice was what got me to a point where I was actually able to have some kind of music career.  So perhaps consistency in my Steps practice will garner results as well.

I often find inspiration from the culture of our time.  There are many stories that mirror or parallel our quest for Knowledge.  Becoming still so that Knowledge may reveal itself, the need to find the spiritual members of our family so that we have a fellowship and a variety of skills and spiritual levels to draw from and to learn from, the coming challenges of environmental degradation and of interference from the greater community. 

I'm re-watching Peter Jackson's 'Lord of the Rings' (for the 5th time) and find much in the way of inspired story telling that seems to mirror our Knowledge quest:

• The smallest of the small who has the destiny as the ring-bearer...Don't each of us, at one point or another, feel like the smallest and the weakest and 'what can I possibly contribute?'.

• The nine members of the Fellowship with a wide variety of skills and powers who band together and are much stronger in the symbiosis of the group...In the case of those of us who have not yet met our spiritual families, the mystery of the family coupled with the symbiosis of the group energy...

• The loving companion of Frodo, Sam, who refuses to leave his side...Having a companion by our side who loves us with purest devotion.

• The fact that each member has a purpose which they do not know and only gradually is revealed to them...
  Frodo's purpose is revealed early on, but the purpose of others in the Fellowship is hazy at best and only revealed through a purity of heart and a stout resolve through facing many challenges.

• The many challenges they face that are surprising and shocking and which reveal strengths and abilities they perhaps didn't know they had...Merry and Pippin are wonderful examples.  Initially they are portrayed as being cut-ups, Hobbit goofballs, and lazy hedonists, interested only in smoking their pipes and drinking gallons of ale.  Later, they display bravery and great cleverness in guiding Treebeard into the destiny HE must fulfill.  They would not have discovered these talents if they hadn't been in the middle of the events they experienced.

These are all wonderful lessons to absorb as a reader, as well as being fascinating tales to experience.

This week I completed my second complete cycle through Steps to Knowledge and have been reflecting a bit on the effects of the practice, even at this early stage.  I find I'm a bit calmer, no doubt due to all the regular meditation.  Although it did take me awhile to calm my addled brain enough so that I could, in good conscience, feel that I was truly meditating.  I'm anxious to start the whole process again so that I can meditate more credibly.  And tighten my focus on the lessons.  I gave myself a week's break and will begin another cycle this Monday.

I feel that my connection with my Teachers has deepened.  I've been talking to them for over 20 years, sort of my way of establishing and reinforcing a connection with them.  They appear to have a sense of humor which tickles me no end.  I know this because of the many ways they find to communicate back to me.  I’m a musician so they have, rather logically, used music as one of the primary ways they use to let me know they're there.  They use musical serendipity a lot.  A Mozart symphony will be playing on the radio.  At the precise second the warning beep from my seat belt goes off, a B flat that matches the B flat of the beep will magically appear in the symphony.  This serendipity occurs at least once a week, sometimes 2 or 3 times.  I’m sure they do it because they know I will notice.  A little reminder that they’re around.

Number sequences appear pretty regularly on my digital clocks.  44:44, 12:34.  I wake for a brief moment at 2:00 a.m., glance at my clock, and see a sequence.  It’s a small thing, granted, but to me it feels similar to the musical serendipity.  In any case, I happily choose to view it as a petite communication from the other side.

On one of my birthdays, a balloon floated past my car as I was driving with the words 'Happy Birthday' printed on it.  Twice this past week I reached my hand into my jacket pocket and pulled out the exact change I needed for a purchase.  I love when that happens.  Are these all communications from my Teachers?  I have no way of knowing.  But it sort of feels like it.

It also feels like my intuition is getting more accurate.  I experience this quite a bit when I'm driving, probably because there are so many opportunities to test my intuition.  Should I stay in this lane or move to the next lane?  Should I use a different route to get home?  All the little decisions that arise during driving are wonderful ways to test oneself.

I can’t say that I have experienced what Marshall’s books describe as Knowledge, that deep sense of knowing, just yet.  It’s possible there were brief glimpses but I have no way of knowing if those were my imagination or something more.  I’m a beginner so it’s probably too soon to have any expectations in that regard.  Just keep going…I get it.  Stay on the path up the mountain.  The journey continues.

So, as I understand it, the overall idea is that as we progress in our study of Steps, Knowledge will gradually make itself known in our consciousness, providing us with a kind of spiritual rudder to help us guide our journey through life.  One aspect emphasized repeatedly is the need for stillness, so that we can actually 'hear' when Knowledge is speaking to us.  It occurs to me that until that lovely day when Knowledge appears in my life, I can be doing other things to practice and exercise this stillness/listening 'muscle'.  Other things in addition to the daily practices.  

Practicing intuition seems logical to me, as it also requires a certain stillness and an ability to pay attention to signals we are receiving.  My speculation brought up the notion that perhaps some of the same habit patterns that will be acquired by bringing Knowledge into our lives may exist in the exercise of using intuition.  I casually practice listening to my intuition and have for years.  I find I do this mainly when I’m driving.  My little exercises mainly consist of selecting the correct lane to be in to avoid any congestion.  I find it’s a quick and easy way to practice it.  One of the keys to a good ‘practice session’ is not stop with being happy when your intuition pays off/annoyed when your intuition doesn’t pay off.  Take the extra step and anchor in the feeling when you have a success.  What did it feel like when you had a sense of which lane you should be in?  Once you’ve identified that subtle feeling, make a point of anchoring it in your psyche.  It will make it just a hair easier the next time you do it. 

I also practice at intersections.  If I have two ways to get to my destination, I check my intuition to decide which is the most efficacious route to take.  Remember, of course, sometimes a ‘bad’ route may turn out to be positive.  And visa versa.  Just keep practicing.  When you have successes, anchor them.  When you have failures, explore what you missed so you can do better next time.